The Two Fundamental Human Instincts

Every human has two fundamental psychological instincts that, when understood and honored, create the foundation for mental health and life satisfaction:

1. The Authenticity Instinct - The drive to be true to yourself 2. The Belonging Instinct - The drive to connect and contribute to community

Understanding and balancing these two instincts is essential for mental well-being.

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1. THE AUTHENTICITY INSTINCT

Authenticity is the cornerstone of mental health. Research consistently shows that people who live authentically - aligning their daily actions with their core values and expressing their genuine emotions - experience significantly better mental health outcomes.

When we consistently act against our authentic nature to meet external expectations, we create what psychologists call "authentic self-suppression." This disconnection from our true self is one of the primary drivers of modern mental health issues.

Core Components of Authenticity

→ Values and Principles

Your core values are the fundamental beliefs that guide your decisions and behavior. Living authentically means making choices that align with these values, even when it's difficult or unpopular. Identifying Your Core Values:

•What principles do you hold most dear?

•What would you stand up for, even if it cost you something?

•When do you feel most proud of your actions?

•What behaviors in others do you most admire?

Values-Based Decision Making:

•Before major decisions, ask: "Does this align with my core values?"

•Notice when you feel internal conflict - it often signals a values misalignment

•Practice saying "no" to opportunities that don't reflect your values

•Regularly reassess whether your daily routine reflects your true priorities

→ Emotional Authenticity

Authentic living requires acknowledging, accepting, and appropriately expressing your genuine emotions rather than suppressing them or performing emotions you think others want to see. Emotional Suppression and Mental Health:

•Suppressing emotions creates internal stress and can lead to anxiety and depression

•Authentic emotional expression (when appropriate) reduces psychological burden

•Learning to feel and process emotions is essential for mental well-being

Practicing Emotional Authenticity:

•Notice when you're performing emotions versus feeling them genuinely

•Practice expressing your true feelings in safe relationships

•Learn to sit with difficult emotions without immediately trying to fix or change them

•Develop emotional vocabulary to better understand and express your inner experience

→ Understanding Your Core Drive

Beyond values and emotions, each person has natural inclinations toward certain types of activities and contributions. Understanding your core drive helps you make authentic choices about how to spend your time and energy.

Provider/Protector Drive The natural inclination to secure resources, solve problems, and create safety. People with this drive feel most energized when:

•Overcoming challenges and obstacles

•Building, creating, or fixing things

•Competing and achieving measurable results

•Providing security and resources for others

•Taking calculated risks for greater rewards

•Working independently or leading teams

Caregiver/Nurturer Drive The natural inclination to support growth, create harmony, and maintain relationships. People with this drive feel most energized when:

•Helping others develop and flourish

•Creating safe, nurturing environments

•Facilitating healing and emotional support

•Building and maintaining deep connections

•Fostering community and belonging

•Collaborating and working in teams

Important Note: These are general patterns, not rigid categories. Many people embody aspects of both drives or express them differently based on context. What matters most is recognizing your authentic inclinations and finding ways to express them meaningfully.

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2. THE BELONGING INSTINCT

Humans have evolved as social beings with a fundamental need for belonging and meaningful community roles. This instinct is deeply wired into our psychology and directly impacts mental health.

Research shows that people who feel they belong to their communities have significantly lower rates of depression and anxiety. The belonging instinct activates the same neural reward pathways as physical needs like food and shelter.

When we feel excluded or disconnected, our brains interpret this as a threat to survival, triggering stress responses that can lead to mental health problems.

Authentic vs. Performed Belonging

Authentic Belonging:

•Being accepted for who you genuinely are

•Communities that value your unique contributions and perspectives

•Relationships where you can express your genuine emotions

•Belonging that supports rather than threatens your individual authenticity

Performed Belonging:

•Suppressing parts of yourself to fit in

•Conforming to group expectations at the expense of your authentic self

•Relationships that require you to hide your true feelings or values

•Belonging that comes at the cost of your individual identity

Finding Your Authentic Community

Seek Alignment:

•Look for groups that share your core values

•Find communities that appreciate your natural drive and contributions

•Notice where you feel energized versus drained in social settings

Contribute Authentically:

•Use your Provider/Protector or Caregiver/Nurturer drive in service of the community

•Offer your unique skills and perspectives

•Take on roles that align with your authentic nature

Build Genuine Connections:

•Prioritize relationships where you can be yourself

•Practice vulnerability in safe relationships

•Seek out people who appreciate your authentic expression

The Connection Between Authenticity and Belonging

True belonging requires authenticity. When we suppress our authentic selves to fit in, we may gain superficial acceptance but lose genuine connection. The goal is to find communities where your authentic self is welcomed and valued.

This doesn't mean every community will be right for you, and that's okay. It's better to belong authentically to a smaller community than to perform belonging in a larger one.